Missing you every day

There is a quote by Megan Devine that captures what we should never do while grieving: downplay the feelings of others. Her quote says: "Here's the thing: Every loss is valid. And every loss is not the same. You can't flatten the landscape of grief and say that everything is equal. It isn't." This quote is so true because grief is different for every person, and it's not linear. My journey has been like a rollercoaster, and its sadness comes rushing in the most unexpected times.

Every day, there's something that reminds me of you, Carola. If it's not a memory, it is a song, a movie, an object; there's always something that reminds me that you are no longer here, and sadness comes again and again like a rushing flood that you don't have any control over. For example, I'll never eat boiled eggs with sweet relish without thinking of your delicious deviled eggs and how we ate them together the last time you were at our house. I'll never eat an oatmeal peanut butter cookie without thinking I can no longer send them to you because they were your favorites. I will always think of you every time I see a skull. The other day, we saw a beautiful skull, and we all said out loud Carol would have loved that skull. Last week, Loli was putting the important dates in a calendar in the fridge, and she said, "Mom, when is Titi's birthday?" and added it to it. The other day, I was watching a movie, and I cried like a baby because one of the characters had the blessing of bringing back his brother, and I cried because that was not an option for me. On the day of Kariel's exposition, we were reminded of your absence because we know you would have loved to be there supporting her, as you always did with everyone. And if I continue, I will be here all day because something reminds us of you daily.

Even as I was writing this, my eyes became flooded with tears because of all the memories and all the things we will miss doing and sharing with you. We miss you, Carola. You showed us what love is but never taught us how to live without you. Hugs to you! We will miss and love you always and forever!